Very thought-provoking, and I can certainly relate - especially also being a woman in a very male-dominated sport! I feel like I've gone through every iteration of sharing/not sharing my climbing and questioned myself inside-out about it. Do grades matter? Am I sharing this because I like the picture or because I want people to know how hard I've climbed? Does anyone actually care? Am I even climbing this route for the right reason?? I feel like I've finally reached a comfortable balance that I'm happy with and it's definitely on the pared back side. I find myself sharing less and less, and writing for myself - either blog or personal, paper journal more and more. They scratch the itch of getting my thoughts out and sorting through an experience without tying up too much external validation in it (given that only about 5 people read my blog haha). Thanks for this.
I love how clearly you’ve laid out the exact thought process I have circled around so many times over the years. It’s brilliant you’ve managed to find a happy medium - and I’ve subscribed to your sub because I would love to see how that manifests through words! I think you’ve touched on the idea that we sometimes do need to scratch the itch of discussing our experiences, but perhaps we can find ways to make that work for us rather than others!
I'm sorry that other women have to question themselves like this but I'm also glad it's not just me to be honest! I definitely think the longer form writing seems to be less for validation, at least for me, because of the care and the time it takes me to think about how I really felt, and because it helps me turn those experiences into concrete memories I can look back on. Thank you for the subscribe, and after this lovely and thoughtful piece I am also keen to read more of your work!
Really interesting read. I've never been very sporty or competitive and always been a bit overwhelmed and intimidated by some of the epic adventure and sports stats that litter social media. I think it's important to have balance. I have spent recent years getting into a headspace where I can focus on enjoying the journey - not just feeling like I have to get through it as soon as possible.
Absolutely and YES - but congrats for cultivating that in yourself! I think it’s a hard balance to strike and to find, and some people spend years trying to work it out!
The ‘wisdom of shutting up and not saying owt.’ Perhaps we ought to cultivate such a laconic Yorkshire voice too! Thank you for the gentle pragmatism of this article, Immy.
Lots to think about here, and it really taps into all the feelings I'm having these days about getting (mostly) offline, deactivating my Instagram (and now Strava) accounts, and just focus on the world around me that I can see and touch.
As a mid-30s millennial I feel very fortunate to have vivid memories of life before all this, and know that it would certainly be achievable, with some adjustments to my habits and my expectations.
Because you're right, the constant internal pressure to seek external validation for our achievements is exhausting and counter productive.
On that note, I don't know if you listen to the Blindboy podcast, but he has a lot to say about how he avoids external validation, that you might be interested in.
This is exactly it. Even during my uni days, social media still wasn’t as dominating as it is now, I could largely go and do the stuff I wanted to without any external influence. The counter to this was that I was much more anxious because I believed I couldn’t do those things - because I hadn’t seen anyone like me who had. But at the same time, does everything have to be discussed and have to be content?
It’s interesting to hear you’re also feeling a similar way - as we are of a similar age and involved in similar things! It really is tiring.
I haven’t come across blind boy but will put that on for Monday’s listen!!
Throughout I was itching to comment my thoughts and then you captured them in the finals paragraphs. As someone who spent years chasing Strava PBs in triathlon I've given it all up and just enjoying the element of training that I actually liked, being outdoors. I'm much more likely these days to go for a 30 minute run where I spend more time watching fish swimming in the nearby stream or googling some type of bird I've spotted.
I do think there is a place for people to talk about adventures and spending time outdoors, without the need for validation. I've been writing and sharing about some of the stuff I get up to for the past few years and barely anyone pays any attention, but I do have a small number of people contact me saying it's been helpful to them or inspired them to do something similar. My thoughts are that that can only be a good thing. I'm not out here bragging about achievements. In fact I much more likely to post these days about a 7 mile bike ride down the old railway line by my house than I am about 100 mile sportives (mainly because I don't do them anymore 😂).
Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this confident and well-argued piece. It's no exaggeration to say that I've been thinking about this concept for many years now. I once called it 'silent adventure', and I now see it as a radical political act of resistance against the machine to a) have an adventure, and then b) *tell nobody about it*. Doing so is a statement that the individual exists as a real person outside their presence in the machine (a place where we exist only as media, and therefore cease to exist if we stop broadcasting). Have you read the work of Nicholas Carr? Highly recommend it! Anyway, thanks again and it's so great to see these ideas being discussed more broadly.
Hi Alex - you have no idea how kind and wonderful this is to hear from you! I have a huge amount of love and respect for your writing, so to read that you enjoyed it has made my day! I haven’t read any Nicholas Carr, but absolutely will have a look. This is something I think in and out of a lot, and it’s good to develop other perspectives on it. Thank you for commenting and also for sharing my piece in your round up too - I feel very privileged!
Ah that is so nice to hear – and you are so welcome! The more of us talk up about these ideas the more they'll spread, I think. I'm looking forward to seeing what else you write on the subject.
Reminds me of Professor Kirke on trying to get back into Narnia: “…don’t try to get there at all. It'll happen when you're not looking for it. And don't talk too much about it even among yourselves. And don't mention it to anyone else unless you find that they've had adventures of the same sort themselves.”
Honestly, I’m glad you said something if for no other reason than to let others know they’re not alone. The beauty they found is real, and no matter what their friends and loved ones may or may not be able to experience, others are out there who “have been there too.”
"We're all a brand". What a poignant way to describe a human being these days. It made me chuckle but also contemplate my own sharing. I think I share preferably through little pieces of fiction. I can let my thoughts and experiences find pen and paper, but I still possess my own story. Wonderful read, thank you.
Very thought-provoking, and I can certainly relate - especially also being a woman in a very male-dominated sport! I feel like I've gone through every iteration of sharing/not sharing my climbing and questioned myself inside-out about it. Do grades matter? Am I sharing this because I like the picture or because I want people to know how hard I've climbed? Does anyone actually care? Am I even climbing this route for the right reason?? I feel like I've finally reached a comfortable balance that I'm happy with and it's definitely on the pared back side. I find myself sharing less and less, and writing for myself - either blog or personal, paper journal more and more. They scratch the itch of getting my thoughts out and sorting through an experience without tying up too much external validation in it (given that only about 5 people read my blog haha). Thanks for this.
I love how clearly you’ve laid out the exact thought process I have circled around so many times over the years. It’s brilliant you’ve managed to find a happy medium - and I’ve subscribed to your sub because I would love to see how that manifests through words! I think you’ve touched on the idea that we sometimes do need to scratch the itch of discussing our experiences, but perhaps we can find ways to make that work for us rather than others!
I'm sorry that other women have to question themselves like this but I'm also glad it's not just me to be honest! I definitely think the longer form writing seems to be less for validation, at least for me, because of the care and the time it takes me to think about how I really felt, and because it helps me turn those experiences into concrete memories I can look back on. Thank you for the subscribe, and after this lovely and thoughtful piece I am also keen to read more of your work!
Really interesting read. I've never been very sporty or competitive and always been a bit overwhelmed and intimidated by some of the epic adventure and sports stats that litter social media. I think it's important to have balance. I have spent recent years getting into a headspace where I can focus on enjoying the journey - not just feeling like I have to get through it as soon as possible.
Absolutely and YES - but congrats for cultivating that in yourself! I think it’s a hard balance to strike and to find, and some people spend years trying to work it out!
The ‘wisdom of shutting up and not saying owt.’ Perhaps we ought to cultivate such a laconic Yorkshire voice too! Thank you for the gentle pragmatism of this article, Immy.
There’s just something SO compelling about it!!
Lots to think about here, and it really taps into all the feelings I'm having these days about getting (mostly) offline, deactivating my Instagram (and now Strava) accounts, and just focus on the world around me that I can see and touch.
As a mid-30s millennial I feel very fortunate to have vivid memories of life before all this, and know that it would certainly be achievable, with some adjustments to my habits and my expectations.
Because you're right, the constant internal pressure to seek external validation for our achievements is exhausting and counter productive.
On that note, I don't know if you listen to the Blindboy podcast, but he has a lot to say about how he avoids external validation, that you might be interested in.
This is exactly it. Even during my uni days, social media still wasn’t as dominating as it is now, I could largely go and do the stuff I wanted to without any external influence. The counter to this was that I was much more anxious because I believed I couldn’t do those things - because I hadn’t seen anyone like me who had. But at the same time, does everything have to be discussed and have to be content?
It’s interesting to hear you’re also feeling a similar way - as we are of a similar age and involved in similar things! It really is tiring.
I haven’t come across blind boy but will put that on for Monday’s listen!!
A thought-provoking read. Thank you!
I wrote this so quickly last night, so I am glad it is at least semi understandable!!
A really good read!
Throughout I was itching to comment my thoughts and then you captured them in the finals paragraphs. As someone who spent years chasing Strava PBs in triathlon I've given it all up and just enjoying the element of training that I actually liked, being outdoors. I'm much more likely these days to go for a 30 minute run where I spend more time watching fish swimming in the nearby stream or googling some type of bird I've spotted.
I do think there is a place for people to talk about adventures and spending time outdoors, without the need for validation. I've been writing and sharing about some of the stuff I get up to for the past few years and barely anyone pays any attention, but I do have a small number of people contact me saying it's been helpful to them or inspired them to do something similar. My thoughts are that that can only be a good thing. I'm not out here bragging about achievements. In fact I much more likely to post these days about a 7 mile bike ride down the old railway line by my house than I am about 100 mile sportives (mainly because I don't do them anymore 😂).
Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this confident and well-argued piece. It's no exaggeration to say that I've been thinking about this concept for many years now. I once called it 'silent adventure', and I now see it as a radical political act of resistance against the machine to a) have an adventure, and then b) *tell nobody about it*. Doing so is a statement that the individual exists as a real person outside their presence in the machine (a place where we exist only as media, and therefore cease to exist if we stop broadcasting). Have you read the work of Nicholas Carr? Highly recommend it! Anyway, thanks again and it's so great to see these ideas being discussed more broadly.
Hi Alex - you have no idea how kind and wonderful this is to hear from you! I have a huge amount of love and respect for your writing, so to read that you enjoyed it has made my day! I haven’t read any Nicholas Carr, but absolutely will have a look. This is something I think in and out of a lot, and it’s good to develop other perspectives on it. Thank you for commenting and also for sharing my piece in your round up too - I feel very privileged!
Ah that is so nice to hear – and you are so welcome! The more of us talk up about these ideas the more they'll spread, I think. I'm looking forward to seeing what else you write on the subject.
Reminds me of Professor Kirke on trying to get back into Narnia: “…don’t try to get there at all. It'll happen when you're not looking for it. And don't talk too much about it even among yourselves. And don't mention it to anyone else unless you find that they've had adventures of the same sort themselves.”
Honestly, I’m glad you said something if for no other reason than to let others know they’re not alone. The beauty they found is real, and no matter what their friends and loved ones may or may not be able to experience, others are out there who “have been there too.”
"We're all a brand". What a poignant way to describe a human being these days. It made me chuckle but also contemplate my own sharing. I think I share preferably through little pieces of fiction. I can let my thoughts and experiences find pen and paper, but I still possess my own story. Wonderful read, thank you.
Yes love this!! 🙏
I still don't know the answer to the point you're raising, but completely get where you're coming from with it. Though-provoking read!
❤️❤️❤️